God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
