Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
there is glitter all over my balls
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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