Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
