I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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