i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's blow job season.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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