he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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