Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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