I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
