Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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