Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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