JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize