Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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