You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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