apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
