It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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