Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
