his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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