If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
