she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
