I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
