'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
