Someone shit on the floor
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize