OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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