I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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