Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
