i think i have two assholes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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