Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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