life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
