I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize