that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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