Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
