My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
