ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize