every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
