Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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