remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize