I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
