Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
