things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
