you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
