My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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