he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
