You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
