Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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