I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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