I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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