I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
