I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
