I got chris browned last night
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
