I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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