just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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