So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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