I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
honey bunches of taint.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
