i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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