His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
