i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
