i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
