people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I smell stomach acid.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
