i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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