Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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