ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
