I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
