I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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