how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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