So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize