Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
