He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
