I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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