Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
