dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
