You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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