How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize