Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
