I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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