My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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