I wish I could punch you in the face.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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