my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well you can't waste a boner
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
