are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
