Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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