I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
