In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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