So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
