doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
