I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Text me some of your sweat
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
