Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
