Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
