is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
