I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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