I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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