Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
