I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Holy shit dude........stairs
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize