I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize