some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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