You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
