Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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