I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
